Not A Lifestyle Choice

The common myth that being gay is a lifestyle choice is just that, a myth. During the first year after I was outted to my mother, she told me once during a phone conversation that all I needed “was to have sex with a man to know that my liking for women was just in my head and not real at all.” Because she was older and more experienced to my eyes, and I was just an 18 year-old that didn’t know what was best for me, I decided to give it a try.

He was a really nice guy. We did date for a bit and I did like him. I didn’t think I liked him the way I had liked women at that point, but I knew that if I had to go for the extreme measure in order to “fix what was wrong with me,” then he would be the guy.

Up until today, I still wish with all my heart that I had never gone through that experience. It simply didn’t feel right. I know people have told me it’s supposed to feel “natural” but it didn’t. Not for one moment. I was very disturbed afterward. At least for a little while.

I still don’t understand the logic behind people’s obsession over other people’s lives. I don’t have a girlfriend to upset anyone, I have a girlfriend because I love her. Because with her, it actually feels “natural.” The easiest way for me to look at it is that if you’re a straight man/woman, the idea of loving another man/woman as a partner is nonsensical- the same is for me when thinking of being with a man.

Perhaps I do have the choice to be with my girlfriend, but I didn’t choose to fall in love with her. And if you really think it’s a crime/sin to choose love, then be my guest- “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.” Kahlil Gibran.

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2 responses to “Not A Lifestyle Choice

  • fizzywoohoo

    Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog by the way. I really appreciate it. It’s wonderful to encounter another person who enjoys reading. I see you’re currently reading “War & Peace”…didn’t get to read that in high school but I did read another Russian author, Dostoyevski. I loved “Crime & Punishment”.
    Anyway, I just want to say that I’m really happy for you. True, we don’t know each other & we live oceans apart, but when I hear/read stories about people finding the person that they really love & who loves them just as much in return, it makes me feel happy for them. Someday, I hope that will happen to me too.
    I like what you’ve written here. One of my closest friends just came out a few years ago. She used to look sad and worried about what might happen if she did but now that she has, she looks so much more happier. She’s still single but hopefully she’ll get to enjoy the same love as yours in the future.
    Keep up the good writing!

    • Mrs. This One

      Yes, I certainly agree- especially when not a lot of people read nowadays.

      War and Peace however has been very tricky. Very long book and it’s taking me forever to read. Mainly because I also have to read for school and stuff.

      Thank you for all your lovely words- meeting people for years is just a formality, we’re all human and we all struggle so I think that makes us all friends in a way. Though I’m sure not a lot of people agree with me.

      Anyway, love is in the air, it comes when you least expect it.

      Thanks again for reading!

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