Monthly Archives: September 2010

Not a Roommate, or a Friend

I have been trying to talk myself out of writing now, or even today at all. There are other things needing my attention, and the issues congregated in the back of my mind while I work, eat or study, are not quite ready to be written yet.

School starts again tomorrow and I’m back to the student life I’ve been missing all of summer. I will not think the same after a week into the quarter, but I think this way now and that’s what should matter. The tricky thing about it all is that once school starts, this is when my relationship with my wife gets tested on a daily basis.

Although my time with my wife is more important to me than anything else, this time will be set aside when a paper is due, or when I have to read a book in two days. This applies to her as much as it does to me.

And then there are outside factors, like the one I faced today. Since I started a new job, everyone keeps asking the same questions: “What’s your major? What year are you? Where do you live? Who do you live with?” The last question being the more troubling one. I caught myself answering “with a roommate.” I felt ashamed for not recognizing my wife but I think part of me just didn’t want to be judged by someone I had to work closely with for 7 straight hours. I am even more ashamed now that I even tried to excuse myself for it.

You may think now that I am making a big deal out of nothing, and perhaps you’re right, but this question will come my way over and over again every time I meet a new person on campus. Furthermore, it will happen to my girl also.

I need to be strong and take the judgement. I took the fall this time but I need to overcome my fear. I live with my wife. Not a “roommate” or a “friend,” but my wife.

About Being Too Young

I am still cautious to let people know that at the age of 21, I have already tied the knot- to a woman I’m absolutely crazy about. According to Alex Kecskes, who wrote an article about the subject on a website called divorce360.c0m, “young couples who tie the knot too early often fail to realize the gravity and responsibilities of marriage.” A lot of people share Kecskes views; at 21, barely learning to manage my time between college and work, hardly qualifies me to lead and live a married life.

I do!

It seems to be happening more and more that “my generation” keeps delaying the idea of marriage. At first it may be by choice, but eventually, it may be lack of luck on finding “the right one.” This is also the time when meeting someone whose parents are still happily married is  as rare as seeing the moon during the midday sky. I too grew up to a broken home, knowing that I didn’t want that future for myself or my (future, if any) children. So how come delaying this process isn’t helping broken homes, if we are supposedly waiting to be more mature to take on the responsibility of marriage? Is it more likely that if someone hasn’t found “the one” as they get older, they might simply settle for whatever is around?

I may not be extremely experienced when it comes to dating, or even life itself, but can I possibly learn that experience while with my partner? How does my age play a role into this? Every time I talk to a friend who is dating, they always end up saying the same thing “No expectations, I’m just having fun,” like they all have practiced this line in some secret anti-marriage society. Maybe I’m too young to know better, but whatever life may bring for me in the future, I know that I want to share it with my wife- whether it’d be good or bad.

What are we so afraid of? Why are we so reluctant to share our life with someone when we’re starting to discover our own lives? In my experience, unhealthy relationships and broken hearts only lead to depression. We hardly ever learn our lesson to stay away from people who hurt us. But it is this idea of self-protection that eventually leaves a scar on someone’s life or our own. I would have rather been with my wife three years ago than getting hurt by a girl who is still deciding whether she likes boys or girls (too bad my wife and I didn’t meet until later). I’m not sure how not having expectations to only have fun and let others do as they please with our feelings and lives could be a good thing.

Call me too young or too crazy, but even while we’re in the midst of adding more student loans to our joint debt and starting our junior year in college while juggling part-time jobs, there’s no other thing I’d rather be than her Mrs.

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