Of Family Dynamics

As a child of a broken home, I grew up to the care of my grandmother and books. This never quite bothered me as I was always a happy child. However, now grown and in the process of working on what I can now call my own family, I realize that my life was (and still is) way too far from the ordinary.

My mother is a great woman. She wants to do a lot of good but the problem is that she hasn’t quite figured out how to do so. I love her and I want her to be happy, but I don’t know if she’ll ever reach that happiness. The good thing is that she never stops looking for it. I just wish she would have been a bigger part of my life. Maybe that will change once she meets my wife. For better or for worse.

I don’t really know my dad anymore. I haven’t talked to him in ages. He’s been trying to get in touch with me but I don’t really want him to. I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. Maybe that I will be a better parent than he could ever be. Yep, that sounds about right.

My brother is a few years older than me and he has nothing going on for him. He has dropped out of several different colleges and I don’t think he knows what to do next. He’s clearly a mix of my parents. I could have been adopted- but no one will say for sure. I try to talk to him about life but he always gets offended by this. After all I am the younger sister who is a lesbian.

My grandma is my shining star. I haven’t seen her in forever but I think about her everyday. She never finished middle school and still handled my homosexuality better than anyone else did. “As long as you’re happy,” the old lady said. She too needs more happiness in her life. She’s in love with my grandpa but I don’t think he knows what love is. He certainly can’t show that he does.

There are more characters in this play but I think these will do for now.

You know those independent films that show people who are so weird and have so much going on for them that you think it can only happen in movies? I think it does happen all the time. My family is a great example. I don’t think they know what being a family means but they still cope somehow. Maybe that’s why everyone is so unhappy? Because they haven’t quite figured out that family is all what matters?

I really hope not to become anything like them. I love them all but they’re nowhere close to the person I am and want to be.

-Mrs. This One

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6 responses to “Of Family Dynamics

  • Karin

    I really can’t imagine what it must be like to be a lesbian and tell your family. Ouch even the way it comes out makes it sound like it is odd, which is not the correct word. Different. Most people don’t like different or different from what they believe. I believe what most consider different, is really just new…and nothing wrong with new.
    It is great that your Grandma had something nice to say about you though…that she understood. I imagine she had/has been through life enough to know that love is really what matters.
    I myself had a different upbringing. The basic divorced parents, yet I was raised by my father (not the best relationship at times) and visited my mom who had M.S. until she passed away when I was younger.
    Family is an “odd” or different word for me (not new). For me family is not what I would like it to be. It is not what you see in the independent films. My friends are more like family than…well all my family. My husband is an only child as am I so we are not aunts and uncles, brothers or sisters, etc.
    Anyway…an awful lot of rambling on from me…
    Lovely post!

    • Mrs. This One

      Karin, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Coming to Christian parents in particular isn’t quite an easy ride. But I feel we have all learned from each other because of this.

      I too have friends who I consider my family but somehow I always struggle trying to be closer to my family even though we constantly clash. We’re just so different that we can’t agree on anything sometimes.

      Rambling is always welcomed!

      -Mrs. This One

  • Sharon Autenrieth

    I started to say that you’ve “overcome” difficult family circumstances, but maybe that’s not the right word. Maybe we don’t overcome – which suggests we just climb over it and keep going – so much as we build our lives out of the material we’ve been given. And even some crazy, beat-up material can produce real beauty, if you’re determined to make it so. I’ve seen that with my father (mother died when he was 4, distant father, raised by grandparents, alcoholic as a young man – BUT, just the smartest, most generous, most vital old man you’d eve hope to meet).
    And you’re right about those dysfunctional families you think only exist in movies. The older I get, the more of them I meet in real life. And some days, I feel like I’m IN one of them, too.

    • Mrs. This One

      Indeed Sharon, we work with what we’re given. I too agree with the part about growing and feeling like in those movies- I didn’t realize how dysfunctional we were until I began to establish my own family and realize that two people who love each other can work together for a family.

      -Mrs. This One

  • wdednh

    Nice post. I like your blog……..

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